Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
