that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Blood and glitter go together right?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
