If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
