wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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