she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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