Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
