That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
