the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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