I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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