I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone