Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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