What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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