She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
