I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
