i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
