im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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