Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
