i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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