Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
