Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
