Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
