My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
