Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
