I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
True strength comes from lack of pants
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
