Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
