epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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