I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
