i may or may not be watching the land before time
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
