I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
