grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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