making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
