My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
