so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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