ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
