would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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