Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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