Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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