she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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