Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
