her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
