Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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