im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
