i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
