You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
