party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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