your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
