And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
