Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
