Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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