i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she peed on how many people?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
