So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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