Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
