The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
