The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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