sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
