Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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