Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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