I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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