i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
