Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
