Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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