WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
