i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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