i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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