Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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