Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
