apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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