My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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