Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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