So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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