You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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