I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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