your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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