wakey wakey hands off snakey
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
high people should be assigned attendants
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
