Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
