Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
