The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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