I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
