What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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