how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
