Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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