So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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