My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
