someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize